By Michelle Fattig

We can't just 'play.' 
We don't know how to 'play.' 
No one taught us those rules.

My daughter frequently whines, "Mommy, just play with me." 
But, I don't know how to play.
No one taught me how to play.

We gave playing a try.
We sat and looked first at the toys, then at each other.
Lili, I don't know how to play.

Given the awkwardness,
I said, "I think people have the toys talk to each other and interact.
Shall we try that?"

We gave 'playing' a try.
Picking up the toys, and trying to pretend they interact, felt uncomfortable.
We sat again and looked first at the toys, then at each other.

Mommy, I don't know how to play.
Lili, I don't know how to play.
Do you want me to make you something?

We can make things.
We know the rules.
We like to know the rules.

By Michelle Fattig

My sweet one,
my own,
It's bedtime
for you.

So tired,
        so sleepy,
                        
whatever shall we do?

We'll hug

        and we'll kiss.

A sweet lullabye,
        
and it's night-night for you,

my favorite

         little guy.

One more book,

        and one more hug,

for it's time,
        
        you see, 

to shut out the light,

        and sleep quietly.

                

By Michelle Fattig
But you don't look disabled.But I am disabled.But you are so smart.Disabled doesn't mean dumb.But you are so pretty.Disabled doesn't mean ugly.But you dress so nice.Disabled doesn't mean a lack of fashion sense.But you are so articulate.Disabled doesn't mean I can't speak.But if you only tried harder, you could fit in.Disabled doesn't mean fitting in.But don't you want to fit in?Fitting in?Managing unwritten rules.Understanding that when a person smiles and says they like you, they may cut you down behind your back.Understanding that if a person says, How are you today? They really mean, hello and walk on by.Knowing that no matter how hard you try, someone will find fault, which generally stems from having Asperger's Syndrome or Attention Deficit Disorders.Looking normal, so the NT's will feel more comfortable around you.Being a person with AS!I like the written rulesIf a young child or an older person smiles, it is usually genuine.When someone really takes the time to know and accept me, I can trust the rules.They mean what they say and they are kind and consistent.I know what is expected of me, and what I am expected to do.Don't give me ambiguous expectations, and then find fault.Don't be inconsistent in affect i.e., today you smile, tomorrow you yell, the next day you ignore, and the next you smile. Fitting in for us meansHigh anxietySelf-loathing or recriminationsDepressionDefeatist attitudeEmotional defeat and poor self-esteemHidden Disabilities vs. True DisabilitiesMichelle, you are great at giving presentations, it is just working with others that is the problem.No, the problem is working with others who bully or condescend. The problem is others have jealousy over our accomplishments and distain for our inabilities.Working with people who are kind and tolerant, is never our problem.You ask me to act more normal in social situations, and say if I just tried harder I might be more normal.Would you ask a person in a wheel chair, to please sit at the table in a real chair, so they might seem more normal?