About FBWPUB

Considering my early experiences in education, which were not so grand, it is a surprise to find myself in 23rd grade and actively seeking yet another degree. I have a son, who is gifted with learning disabilities, Asperger's, and ADD. I, too, have learning disabilities, AS, and ADHD. . My goal in creating the Annie Books, is to make a meaningful and lasting difference in the lives of children and their parents. During my Kindergarten through Second grade years, I was placed in a box at school. I don't mean a figurative "box," I mean a real "stove" box. A hole was cut out in the front to allow me to see the teacher, but it was meant as a preventative measure for my incessant need to chat with my neighbors. Being young and happy, I had a lot to say. I just assumed that everyone else enjoyed my company as much as I did! As I moved into upper elementary, I became more shy and self-conscious. We moved a lot, and I experienced five school systems prior to middle school. My extreme shyness and discomfort gave way in high school to a "cheerleader smile," which I used to keep anyone from asking what was wrong. I excelled at sports, academics, and leadership activities, but I could never figure out why I felt different. My hyperactivity and impulsivity gave way to anxiety and depression. During my sophomore year, I began to believe that I was stupid, and started threatening to quit school. Six weeks after graduation, I left for the Air Force. It was during my service in the military, in night school, that I began to realize that I could be a learner. I found enjoyment in the pursuit of education. I became a single parent at a very young age. Working fulltime during the day as a microbiologist and medical technologist, I completed my undergraduate degree and my graduate degree in School Psychology. When my son started school, he was a happy, smiling, outgoing little boy. The day he stepped into his classroom, the light in his eyes dimmed. His teachers bemoaned his inattentiveness, and seeming inability to focus. My son was in second grade when he began labeling himself as stupid. We had many afternoon and evenings of the, as I call them, "Why can't you just(s)?" Why can't you just focus? Why can't you just get started? Why can't you just put something on paper? It took me years to understand, if he could … he would. I started reflecting on my own, "Why can't I just(s)?" Why can't I pay attention? Why can't I just be normal? Why can't I just be happy? Working as a School Psychologist, I found enjoyment and my professional niche with inner city emotionally disturbed children. I could work with all of my students and diffuse the most volatile circumstances with understanding, support, and acceptance. -Michelle

Critique by Janie Caton (LOVING LONGTIME FRIEND WHO HAS OBSERVED THE ONGOING STRUGGLES THROUGH THE YEARS AND WHO KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING WONDERFUL JUST UNDER THAT ODD EXTERIOR - I WAS ABLE TO OVERLOOK IT - WHY? BECAUSE I REALLY DIDN'T SEE IT? I ONLY HEARD OTHERS MENTIONING IT IN WHISPERS. BUT…MAYBE THEY WERE REALLY TALKING ABOUT ME. WHY? BECAUSE SHE WAS JUST LIKE ME - SO I WAS DRAWN TO HER - SHE WAS THE LIGHT AT THE END OF A LONG DARK TUNNEL IN MY LIFE) J

·        You did not speak too fast (as you had indicated over the phone - except when you were initially introducing yourself)
·        You sounded just like YOU do in "real life" (it was just as if you were here in my office at West speaking with me
·        You have a very pleasant voice tone and voice quality (it made me very happy to hear you speaking!)
·        I loved the example you gave of purchasing a Xmas gift for Josh right in front of him and the fact that he was "surprised" when he opened the gift later ( I always took our children with me to purchase their gifts - I didn't know "I wasn't supposed to let them see it ahead of time…they too were always surprised!" …very interesting)
·        You described yourself and Josh perfectly - if I hadn't known you both in "real life" I would have felt as though I knew you through your detailed descriptions and narrative
·        I loved the phrase you used, "People like us NEED people like us!" (I so agree!) and "They are on OUR TEAM!" It was so positive and refreshing. I believe you will help to slowly "reshape" some attitudes towards those of us with handicapping conditions - indeed we are not disabled - but enabled! We are so very capable and bright - but typically not treated as though we were. (That felt so good to hear. Thank you!)
·        It was very important for you to share that Josh's personality changed when he started school - we need to help educators understand what it is that they need to be doing - so NO HARM IS DONE! We do not want to "break their spirits…" as some educators attempt to do in elementary school.
·        Your discussion regarding medications was excellent, precise and perfect in my humble opinion.
·        You listed and described the characteristics of ADHD to a "T" - the "struggles" you discussed were absolutely on target and HIT HOME!
·        I loved your example of how we begin to internalize our feelings in order to cope, develop anxiety, depressive tendencies, inappropriate coping skills such as OCD (was that me you were talking about J - I thought I recognized myself in there…), self-medication…etc… (you should have mentioned the role that suicide attempts, eating disorders, destructive thoughts, etc… have - BECAUSE IF the (ineffective/dangerous) coping skills are not addressed appropriately and positively - we can DIE!)
·        I knew "your" childhood stories already - and you did such a wonderful job of telling about your school experiences. Teachers should HAVE to listen to this interview - maybe they would begin to "get it"!
·        The discussion regarding social skills was critical - well stated and ESSENTIAL to "our" success.
·        The discussion regarding day planners - AWESOME!!! I would not be able to continue to live on this earth without mine (and I do mean this literally)! You did an excellent job of emphasizing how very critical this element is and I especially enjoyed your point regarding "Teach them HOW to USE it!" We can't just hand it to them and expect they will know what to do with it.….. most days I have to check mine non-stop just in order to recall what day it is - because dates ARE NOT IMPORTANT TO ME AT ALL (time goes by and I can not account for it) - but DATES are important to other "normal" people (for some unknown reason that I don't truly understand). "I will do it…in my own time frame…which is a secret - sometimes even to me - it could be immediately and I am impatient or it would be in 10 weeks and so on…)
·        What you mentioned regarding making lists is sooooooooo true - if I cross something off prior to completing it - it is done and forgotten about - never to be revisited until it shows up incomplete at a later date - causing me extreme levels of anxiety and out of control frustration and depression - then I totally go manic and into a bout of such 'OCDedness' that I am intolerable to live with. "Why can't I just…?"
·        I have to add items to my daily list - for instance, if I do something not on the list I HAVE to add it to the list and then cross it off (sounds crazy but I HAVE TO DO IT!)
·        If I could count how many times my parents told me "if you would just apply yourself…" then one day my mother suggested that when attempting to memorize something maybe it would help if I wrote it down first - this happened after I failed to memorize the Declaration of Independence, the Preamble of the Constitution and all of the Amendments….I quickly learned that I had a photographic memory IF I WOULD REMEMBER TO JUST WRITE IT DOWN FIRST. (Bless her heart!) She taught me a very useful coping skill - that I continue to use to this day! Of course the next day the teacher accused me of cheating on the tests that I had to retake and my parents had to come to school to explain how it was that I couldn't do it at all yesterday but that I could do it today…(that didn't go so well…I received after school 3 detentions and 3 swats on the butt - all for getting 100% on all of the afore mentioned items…for doing the right thing, for doing it in a way that worked for me - PUNISHMENT!!! That was kind of hard for me to recover from...but I did make it through 8th grade that year…
·        Your discussion of "Circle of Friends" was excellent and so critical to "The folks on OUR TEAM!" (I remember you and I talking about the importance of a "Circle of Friends" when we used to work together.)
·        On a side note - I thought it was funny because at this point in the interview - you started interviewing the interviewer rather than the other way around…an interesting twist…
·        Communication between home and school is vital and you made several good points regarding this area.
·        You discussed that you wanted to see at lease as many positives as negatives come home in those communications - professionally (as you well know) there MUST be at least 7 positives to every negative - so next interview you do really HIT THAT MESSAGE HOME to the audience. It takes at the very minimum 7 positives to overcome the damage done by the one negative interaction. With me - one negative and I am done - I might as well go home - there are not enough positives to make up for the damage to my self-esteem at that point! I am done, I tune out. I quit! Parents and educators alike MUST be made aware of the damage they cause by negatives. If you want to shape MY behavior - DO IT WITH POSITIVES…it will work just about 100% of the time.
·        It did make me sad and angry (I also smiled since I KNOW HIM) - that one of Josh's teachers told you that he was not a druggie - that he was actually smart - sadly - it is all about that "first impression" and WE TYPICALLY DO NOT MAKE GOOD FIRST IMPRESSIONS (unless we are wearing our 'cheerleader smile' pasted on our faces - which some of us are incapable of ever developing, or we may just simply be exhausted from pretending) - because as you know (because I have seen you do it time and time again) that can get very, very old (I wonder if it causes wrinkles?)
·        Michelle - it was such a tribute to both yourself and to Josh for you to talk on the radio show about how very proud you are of Josh; it shows me how very far the two of you have traveled down this long lonely road of misdiagnoses, misunderstanding, incorrect mediations, social ineptness, social awkwardness, withdrawal, self-medication, self-destructive thoughts, irrational/dysfunctional behavior, etc… I AM SO PROUD OF BOTH YOU AND JOSH!!!!!
·        Josh will PASS - what do those silly grades mean anyway? Who do they think they are to be judging him anyway? Grades mean nothing to me! Josh has goals and dreams; I believe he will reach those goals and make those dreams come true - and it is all a credit to you. You recognized his need and through that recognition you were able to recognize your personal need. YOU have accomplished a MIRACLE! You ARE the beautiful, intelligent and articulate (sometimes dysfunctional/disorganized/self-loathing, depressed, ODC…) woman that I always knew that you would grow up to be…You would make any MOTHER proud to say that you were her daughter!

MICHELLE, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST? BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU AND I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE - I ALWAYS HAVE…(UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS AN INTEGRAL AND ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL ELEMENT TO HAVE IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU ARE ON OUR TEAM).   JUST LOOK AT YOU NOW!   YOU ARE THE YOU THAT I KNEW WAS ALWAYS THERE AND YOU HAVE COME OUT ROARING, CHEERING AND FIGHTING IN SUPPORT OF THE REST OF THE TEAM. ON BEHALF OF THE WOMAN ON THE PITCHER'S MOUND THANK YOU! YOU HAVE HIT A HOMERUN! (I always wanted to be the pitcher but the coach wouldn't let me anywhere near the infield - because I was too distractible, talking incessantly, etc…and not aware of my surroundings - I was always stuck out in the center field - far away from everyone else. You have allowed me to move up to the mound! By the way - the coach was my dad!)

TOP JOB! I LOVE YOU!